to address a topic i've been trying to avoid these days..

yes, the break up.

i am still unsure of what i am looking for.. on the contrary, he is sure of what he is looking for and so, has given too much of himself in our lopsided relationship.. it is seriously very unfair to him.. it must be tiring to always be on the giving end like an angel.. however, it is very tiring emotionally to be on the receiving end like a devil.. like a sinner.. like a deeply indebted being too.. thus.. i decided i shouldn't waste his time any longer.. and so the inevitable has happened..

if u're wondering how much time has dragged since we started, it is 3 whole years.. yes, it took that long to make our clean break.. it wasn't easy.. coming together takes two hands.. likewise, separation requires two hands too.. i hope both our hands will always be down now coz i will not raise mine again.. i had enough of hurting you..

why did it take that long u may wonder.. coz he is truly a great guy.. so i wasn't determined and brave enough to deter his persistence after the first separation.. coz he somehow blamed me for all his unhappiness which translates to i have to go back to him for otherwise, i'll be a big sinner.. but in the end, i committed a greater sin by hurting him even more coz he has to go through yet another break up ultimately.. darn.. i really had enough of hurting you..
and i had enough of you hurting me too....

*** may you find your rightful happiness and be truly xing fu! i wish you all the best! endless thank yous and sorrys.. you have been really wonderful to me! =') ***


henceforth, i am back to square one.. alone but not complaining at all.. coz at the very least, i know i am not hurting or wasting time of anyone now..

alright, to be totally honest, the loneliness do irk me at times.. but i believe it is necessary.. coz the wait for the right one is worthwhile no matter how long it may take.. every one has been bestowed a soulmate and i shall be patient in my waiting =)

since i am so slow in such stuffs, i wonder when i'll ever know what i want.. and when i know what i want, will i be able to seek the correct right one out? =/

ah.. let me think.. when the right one comes, i will know.. for this song called shi jie wei yi de ni by Cao Ge will strike a chord in me =)

是你
一眼我就认出来
这是命运最美丽的安排
是爱
让你掠过漫长等待
我们只要现在相爱
幸福就来
恨我来不及参与你的过去
抱歉让你等待
我愿意付出一切交换
我灵魂的另一半
这个世界唯一的你
是我拥有的奇迹
对我说的一字一句
都是我们的秘密
紧紧拥抱唯一的你
无可救药的坚定
就算世界与我为敌
我也愿意 我什么都愿意
过去所有的悲哀
都只是训练我为你勇敢
真爱照亮了漆黑的夜晚
寻找了彼此一辈子
才不分开

yup, i am patient.. patiently waiting.. if eternity it shall be, eternity it will be.. patience is golden =)

am filled with mixed emotions as the new semester draws near.. i'll miss hanging out with friends and family that makes me dread the coming school routine.. but i'm excited to work hard in pulling my disappointing cap up.. just +0.05 is all i'm asking for yet it's not so easy to achieve.. i gotta be confident and determined! jia yOx jia yOx! =)

tml's day will be spent at sentosa with my cck stadium group 1.. yeah! i wanna get tanned! =D evening will be giving tuition and hopefully dinner w mbf.. hope can mbf-ing for the last time b4 school starts =)

woah! this is hell cool! i'm bloggin with fullerton hotel on my right, boat quay and suntec city on my left and and and the most awesome thing is..... singapore river in front of me! =D let me tell u why.....

morn..
went sch for the thermal comfort project thing.. got put in an ulu room in sde.. ans some ques which r repititive so i kinda copied n pasted all over the place.. and so, had time to surf net! easy bucks =p after tt, went src to drop roomie, liz n duck a visit.. ooo! they can really play squash! i wanna learn =)

then..
off to bugis to meet ice ice baby for top one ktv session.. it was yun min's bday! so jason n i went off "discretely" to get her a cake.. glad she likes it! it was stella's bday too but she couldn't come.. anyway, very happy bday to both! =D ah.. my singin was terrible and soft.. so the mic nv last long in my hands.. till even though i sang more than 5 songs, xiaoqiang still thought i haven't sang any *covers face* =p time to zao to meet mummy for dinner..

at raffles place..
mama gotta work ot.. so w nth to do, i walked to spore river.. and armed w a laptop, what else can i do? haha.. so tt explains y i'm bloggin in such a beautiful spot.. i love icellwireless (muz register to use wireless at public places)! =)

ps: i still feel like a disappointing ogl.. not rah rah de.. i don't talk much.. gal of few words.. coz i think i hav nth interestin to say.. so i rather keep quiet.. if i appear dao, i'm really not.. i'm juz a bore.. but i want to change.. i'll work on it =) on the way to buy the cake, jason sudd talked to me bout the need to b more confident.. he barely knew me for 4 days in camp and he can say tt.. omg.. its true he's good at readin ppl =O this then reminded me of ben and sharky.. they've been tellin me the same thing too.. aye aye.. what happened to my confidence?? (wait, did i even hav them b4?) hmmz.. after sayin all these, the main cause of all my prob is but the lack of confidence.. ahhhh... i need more vitamin C! C for confidence... =/

kop-ed this from facebook =p

the whole of chem eng fwc '08! found me yet? =D

ah.. camp's over.. and the end of my field assistant job still feel surreal.. i rmb rushing w jie ying from URA(in the midst of camp's amazing race) to cck stadium for the last day of work.. and the whole finale was very happening! the whole stadium looks so different from its usual sombre outlook.. the place was filled w spectators at all places and the students in their sch u were cheering so loudly all the time! there were big big banners of the various competing sec sch and jcs lining the stadium and even the semi-d houses' balconies which happen to face the stadium!

my group 1 helped out in high jump event.. can't recall much unfortunately.. so let me fast forward to the end =p and so..... at the end of all the events, we went to bring the hurdles back.. at this point, a stampede occurred! its like the whole stadium of ppl were chionging towards us lorx! haha.. coz sua ku us nv witness such finale thingy b4, we all stun and got stucked as the crowd chiong in our direction.. yuan lai they're gathering at the field for a big big group photo =p after all tt frenzy, all of us gathered in the call room to wait for the prize presentation to end.. it was an unsually long wait coz got guest of honour etc.. finale mahz.. witnessed the sky darken too.. (no OT pay lorx! brr! haha, jk! =p).. end job w picking litter.. v typical chore =p

dinner @ lot 1's LJS w jie ying, terence and sheng zhi.. a pity jocelyn and raymond couldn't join us =/ anyhow, it was a good meal and i rmb how we all talked bout camp-y stuffs.. sharing advices and all.. can feel the bonds.. i am glad to get to know them =)

currently missing the job which fits me to a T.. everything about it makes me look back fondly.. memories.. beautiful =')

leaving for chess(chem eng student soc) camp tonight.. ah.. feeling nua and lazy.. no motivation.. don't feel like moving.. i wanna nuaaaaaaa! =p

anyhow, i was overjoyed when i know i can take 'leave' from camp and so, get to work again on wed (finale of 49th National Track & Field Championships)! i just love my job coz:

1. its quite brainless
2. i love my group!
3. everyone is nice over there
4. refreshment served is good
5. inspiring atheletes everywhere (ps: hci & rj-ians are really pro!)
6. free tan, though terribly uneven
7. got motivation! =)

all in all, gonna miss this job once wed's over.. memories are beautiful.. let's see if we can carry them on.. field assistant group 1 rOx! =D

welcome to daphne's blog! =)