daph

to address a topic i've been trying to avoid these days..

yes, the break up.

i am still unsure of what i am looking for.. on the contrary, he is sure of what he is looking for and so, has given too much of himself in our lopsided relationship.. it is seriously very unfair to him.. it must be tiring to always be on the giving end like an angel.. however, it is very tiring emotionally to be on the receiving end like a devil.. like a sinner.. like a deeply indebted being too.. thus.. i decided i shouldn't waste his time any longer.. and so the inevitable has happened..

if u're wondering how much time has dragged since we started, it is 3 whole years.. yes, it took that long to make our clean break.. it wasn't easy.. coming together takes two hands.. likewise, separation requires two hands too.. i hope both our hands will always be down now coz i will not raise mine again.. i had enough of hurting you..

why did it take that long u may wonder.. coz he is truly a great guy.. so i wasn't determined and brave enough to deter his persistence after the first separation.. coz he somehow blamed me for all his unhappiness which translates to i have to go back to him for otherwise, i'll be a big sinner.. but in the end, i committed a greater sin by hurting him even more coz he has to go through yet another break up ultimately.. darn.. i really had enough of hurting you..
and i had enough of you hurting me too....

*** may you find your rightful happiness and be truly xing fu! i wish you all the best! endless thank yous and sorrys.. you have been really wonderful to me! =') ***


henceforth, i am back to square one.. alone but not complaining at all.. coz at the very least, i know i am not hurting or wasting time of anyone now..

alright, to be totally honest, the loneliness do irk me at times.. but i believe it is necessary.. coz the wait for the right one is worthwhile no matter how long it may take.. every one has been bestowed a soulmate and i shall be patient in my waiting =)

since i am so slow in such stuffs, i wonder when i'll ever know what i want.. and when i know what i want, will i be able to seek the correct right one out? =/

ah.. let me think.. when the right one comes, i will know.. for this song called shi jie wei yi de ni by Cao Ge will strike a chord in me =)

是你
一眼我就认出来
这是命运最美丽的安排
是爱
让你掠过漫长等待
我们只要现在相爱
幸福就来
恨我来不及参与你的过去
抱歉让你等待
我愿意付出一切交换
我灵魂的另一半
这个世界唯一的你
是我拥有的奇迹
对我说的一字一句
都是我们的秘密
紧紧拥抱唯一的你
无可救药的坚定
就算世界与我为敌
我也愿意 我什么都愿意
过去所有的悲哀
都只是训练我为你勇敢
真爱照亮了漆黑的夜晚
寻找了彼此一辈子
才不分开

yup, i am patient.. patiently waiting.. if eternity it shall be, eternity it will be.. patience is golden =)